Wednesday, June 17, 2015

To my heart I must be true;

To my heart I must be true.

I may get this as my first tattoo. What do you think?

B is still in Tehran. I thought I will be really angry with him when he leaves. Because I thought there will be too many thing for me to do, I thought I will not be able to do yoga, I will not find the strength to run everyday. I assumed I will be so stressful everyday.

But it happened the exact opposite!

I did everything that I wanted, maybe more. I have energy to watch my favorite movies at nights. I want to play with Maya all the time. At work, eurgh! At work I am acting like a super woman. And to tell you the truth office has been really busy lately. I cooked most of the nights.
Should it be like this? Shouldn’t it be the opposite?
And I am proud of myself. lol.

I can do it. I can live alone. I can work and handle another human being beside it.
I believe change is near. And whatever it is, I am ready and grateful.

To my heart I must be true and I should not misjudge my instincts.



Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Inspired by life;

Today is Wednesday;
It’s 10th of June.
It’s been 3 days since B has gone.
It’s been 2 days since I am doing push-ups. My abs hurt like shit.
It’s been 1 months since I do yoga & meditate each night.
It’s 11:00.

I’m so inspired. Not specially for running, or do more yoga, or for art or for cooking… I am just so inspired to live this awesome life. 

I am carrying this pain with me every day around and I respect it. It shows me that I am working, I am one more step nearer to “it”. I don’t know what “it” is but I know “it” worth it.
I don’t feel lonely. I feel strong and oriented. I feel that I have extra hours although I am working more than before. I miss talking. There’s no one around to talk to. I miss talking in Farsi. It seems like vipassana in language. I spend as much time as possible with Maya. She has all the love in the world.

I have got used to the clouds. I dream of sun. It’s not like I am happy on sunny days or whatever… I just need sun for a long time. I want to know that sun will stay forever. Not for a season, or a week or a day. I have to know that it will stay. I want to be sure that each awesome sunset that I witness will bring a beautiful day again with the same sun, with the same warmth over my head.

I am taking everything so slow. It feels right.

I cook more.

I am alive. 

Love you.


Tuesday, June 2, 2015

My dear June;

June is here.

I’ve decided to write about June.
It might be the last June that I will ever live in Istanbul, so it has to be special.

And it’s the first month of Summer.

There is a long list of items that we have to do. I guess from time to time we get bored of our list and we decide to change the app only. So far we are using Wunderlist, and it’s good.

I think a person does yoga every damn day, spend time with his/her loved ones (including dogs of course), is able to find a time to read a book, watch a movie, walk and think and be independent financially is a happy person. Nah?

This theory defines me as a happy person and I tend to stick with it in my dear June.

Here's the list of things that I want to do in dear June:

1. Do yoga more. I have signed up for Yelina's workshops of course.

2. Focus on my meditation.
3. Keep running. It would be awesome if I can make it 10 minutes everyday.
4. Write more.
5. Visualize more. (check out number 6)
6. Focus more on what I really want.

I am sure this month will be awesome.

Love ya'll!

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

All about my morning rituals;

I used to run back in my home town. I used to put on the scarf and manteaux and I used to run for 30 or 20 minutes or something. It was not very easy, I had to rush home, wash my hair (it was long back then) and then again I was headed to university. The weather was so polluted and the process was so tiring that I quit.

I have a morning rituals now. It’s so special for me. I wake up around 6, I hug my dog which I wish I had more time for it. Then I make tea, I prepare a warm water with a lemon inside and with my dog we go out. We walk a bit. We play more. Then I start running while she gets busy playing with grass or a mosquito J 

Nice image, right? It is. It truly is.
We get back home. I take a shower and have my breakfast and I go to work.

I run with my whole strength. I know that each step will help me to move forward. Each breath will help me to stand on a surf board one day. I get tired though. It’s not like the footages that you see, a wonderful woman running in a sunrise… no! It’s not like that at all. I sweat. I can not breathe sometimes. But I remember my Manipura mantras;

I know who I am.
where I am going in life.
I am confident and powerful.
I am unstoppable.
I am fearless.

I am so grateful and feel blessed with my morning rituals. 

You can follow me on Nike+ , it's truly an amazing app. 

Love Love Love. 


Monday, May 25, 2015


Something strange has happened to me.

Last night out of blue, I watched “Divergent”. I don’t know if you have seen it or not..
It’s about life in Chicago after war, the city is totally destroyed. People are divided to different factions. Everyone has to enter one category and live and work there by the category rule. The story is a about a girl who turns out to be a “Divergent”. She does not belong to any faction. The society is afraid of her. She has hard time finding the right thing to do. I mean it’s a simple Hollywood movie with its own high-points and low-points.

Today as I was thinking about some scenes of the movie, I realized that I have been thinking about the content of the movie very deeply since last night.
I got to think about the factions, my deepest fears and the reality of who I am. The result and the feeling was really interesting. I think the writer has picked the factions very wisely. And the fact that if you don’t belong to any specific faction then you are unique, and rebel and much more capable than others made my heartbeat raise.
If you have been reading my blog you should already know by now that I have this serious struggle with myself to find the thing that I am here for, to find myself useful. And as I have lots of passions I can not finish one therefore I am jumping all over the place, just a sip of each action, hobby. It makes my surroundings a bit unsteady. Seems like they don’t trust me with my decisions. I am not sure if I am describing it right but I felt really really close to Tris character in the movie while she was struggling to hide the fact that she’s divergent.

I just believe that I am one step closer to the truth.



Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Live your life;


These words are really important. You have to realize them. You have to analyze the deepest bits of meaning which has buried inside.

Are you asking why?

I’ll let you know. With these words you live happier. You make other people’s lives happier place.
And it’s important.

It’s important to live happily. 

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