Saturday, April 22, 2017

Running through harsh times

Today is a hard day. It's a long day.

I ran 20 minutes (first 20 min! yeyyy!!!) but still my mind is pulling me back.

I'm running through my break-up. And it's not easy. Not at all.

x

Thursday, March 9, 2017

When love fades away;

I had made a list of all the things I wanted us to do together. At the end of the list, it was written something like when we did all of these, we will fall in love all over again.
I put it on the fridge door. He saw it. Laughed. He said, " When we do all of it, I will break up with you".

Now we did break-up. The list is absolutely not done. It's on another fridge. In another country.

He did not look at the list when he flipped my photo over because he did not want to see my face. The photo was exactly above the list. On the fridge.

The list is the one behind this big black sticker.
Love,

eL.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Find me a soothing mantra;

Today is a hard day.

Something as heavy as a rock is pressuring my heart. And I can not breathe.

No love today.

eL.

Little moments of love;



As you may know I’m having hard times these days and desperately I’m looking for something to cheers me up. There are tiny things on daily basis that can make you happy, things you never even notice sometimes. Like a ray of a sun after a week of heavy rain. Like waking up in the morning and finding out that Maya is sleeping on my neck, snoring. Like the smell of a coffee. Like the trees blossoms. Like Tannaz singing. Like a simple text from a friend. Like hearing your favorite song on a new playlist on spotify,… . See? This list is endless. I’ve learned that embracing these little moment can help you a lot.
 And I’m grateful for each and every one of them.
But today something really different happened. It was one of those moments when you are not looking for something big, and it happens right in front of you.
There’s a little girl living next door. She should be five or six. Sometimes when I’m about to go out to take Maya for a walk I see her with her mom coming back from nursery. If Maya is not with me, usually she looks at me like, where is the dog. One time she bashfully asked her mom to ask me, where is Maya? -Which I heard and told her that I was going out and Maya is at home playing with her toys.

Today I came back from my daily walk with Maya when she started growling (more like singing) in the hallway, behind or flat’s door. She was thirsty I could tell. Suddenly I say a small hand which were painted in pink came out of the letter box. Maya started to jump to give the hand a high-five. The girl was laughing so loud and Maya was so excited too J So I bent and said hi to the girl, and she asked me if I can bring Maya close so she could touch her. And that was just cute! She said I always come behind the door when I hear Maya.

This just made my day. And I’m so damn grateful for it! 

Where the little hand came out to touch Maya:)

 Love, 

eL.

Monday, March 6, 2017

Safe & Sound;

I have chosen me. Over others.

It feels right.

Happy Monday!

Everyday I walk passed by these trees. Spring is here.

Saturday, March 4, 2017

I fell for you now I have to rise again;

Our story started with a broken glass and ended with one.

The first day I called him, he told me he was so excited he walked on his glasses and broke them. And now after two days that we are apart he's on his way to buy glasses again. This one was broken on a drunken night while he was helping a friend. After five years.

It's interesting how he acts the way I always wanted him to when we decide it's over. Does this mean that he has to be far and I have to be enthusiastic about him?
My heart is pounding and aches so much.

Sometimes I want to shout at him :

What would have happened if you took my hand and explored this city when I got here? Weren't we the ones who wanted to walk hand in hand in London 5 years ago?
What would have happened if we listened more to each other?
What would have happened if you talked to me more about your days, your dreams, your problems?
What would have happened if you prefered traveling with me except leaving me behind this year?
What would have happened if we could stick together instead of letting people get in between us?

I need to accept the truth here. And I have to respect us.

This probably will be the last photo we have together.


The whole thing is sad. And today I dont believe it.

Love.

eL.

Monday, February 27, 2017

The Great Divorce;


I'm trying to find our old-selves in others but can not find.

We are so far from each other.

And what I need right now is : more hugs and more house plants.
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