Saturday, June 25, 2016

Edge of Freshness

Today is Saturday.

And I stayed in. I just could not move from the bed. I could not listen to music. I was not in the mood to talk. Sometimes I have these episodes of loneliness. And it feels great.

It's not all sadness. It's a complex of sadness, stress, inspiration, anger and gratefulness. It's not weird, believe me. But it can be frightening for me.

I have to work on being happy more. I have to work on being independent when it comes to my feelings. No one is responsible for things I feel.

I am at the edge of starting again. I have to start real fresh.

Love you all. 

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

London transition

Great.

Heavy rain in 1st of June. London. Yes, I am here in London, and yes I love (adore) the sun, but NO, I don't hate London weather. At least I keep focusing on its beautiful side. In this weather you get to enjoy your coffee and warm socks and cosy clothes always. You will enjoy when your fluffy friend (in my case, Maya) comes and sits on my feet.

Change of weather is a sign for me for a bigger change. I am in somehow a transition here. My high and low is exaggerated. And guess what? I don't have my yoga mat with me. I left it behind in Istanbul. As much I were connected with it (cause I had my very first sun salutations on it), and I thought it will stay with me for life-time but the quality was bad and my hands kept slipping on it. So I don't know where it is but I am looking forward to get a new one as soon as I get my first pay check.
It has to be turquoise. Like the ocean. Yoga will bring me back to me.

I just want to be alone these days.

I will work on my painting today.

Love you all.

eL.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

November goes, December comes;

December is here. 

They say December is typically a month of celebration, reflection, generosity and hope. We say goodbye to the 11 months that have flown by and make way for a new year unfolding in front of us. 

If I want to give you an image of my sweet November, imagine me running the each minute of each day. Yeah. Right. We were collecting our documents the whole months. We put an end to November by showing up to TLScontact in Istanbul on 30th of November at 11:30. 

We gave all the documents. It's all finish. Now they have to decide. And we have to wait. 

I can not go back to my hometown yet. I need to stay here (and work) for two more weeks.

I miss doing yoga.

I miss being alone.

I miss running.

I miss drawing.

I miss Iranian traditional music.

I miss my dad's taste of music. And my mom's taste of food.

Still I try my best to find positive side of these days.

Love you all.

eL.




Monday, November 16, 2015

My Mother;

I am amused with writing.

It really affects me in different ways. Before I get used to do meditation often, I used to write me. As much as I used to draw.
But it's weird that I never ever thought about writing about my parents. And today I need to write about my mom.

She's great. Like most of the mothers. She's someone that I really want to be alike someday soon.
Everything that happens around me, every big decision that I need to make her face comes in front of me. I can imagine her mimics. What she would say. And I do the same.

Yes. She's great. She's funny. She's cool. And she's a real good mom.

I love her. I do.

I need to write about her properly. More. 

Friday, November 13, 2015

Fate;

I wrote to my friend, Soroush couple of days ago.

I think in times of hard we need all of our friends and family to bring us the love and gratitude back.

I told him how I lost a friend and how lost I am these days.

He sent me the most beautiful poem ever.


من به تقدیر و به پیشانی و اینگونه اباطیل
ندارم باور.
اگر از من شنوایی داری
می‌گویم
هر کسی قطره‌ی خُردی‌ست در این رودِ عظیم
که به تنهایی بی‌معنی و بی‌خاصیت است،
و فشارِ آب است
آن ناچاری
که جهت‌بخشِ حقیقی‌ست.
ابلهان
بگذار
اسمش را
تقدیر کنند.

الف. بامداد.

Sorry if I didn't put the English version. 
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