Monday, February 20, 2017

I belong deeply to myself;

It's interesting how you have couple of apps on your mobile phone and although they do same thing at some point -displaying thousands of beautiful photos- depending on your mood, you choose to use different ones.

It's been a tough week for me. I guess this is what I should call pre-break-up phase. And guess what?
My tumblr has been a great great help to me. It's like it can show me that truly everything is going to be ok. And I'm just grateful for it.
Why should an app help me through my tough time?

So he packed and went. "For couple of days," he said.
And I found myself with extra energy the day after. This is a good thing about me, in hard times, as I like to challenge myself, I really do enjoy myself. That's because I belong to myself. Or maybe it's because of the slight sun rays that I feel on my skin for past couple of days. Not sure.

And of course, I am not happy about it at all.

I thought we would travel the world together.
I thought we would adopt a child.
I thought we would kiss in every corner of the world.
And I thought I can make him happy.

Life proves you wrong sometimes though.

Photo by Maryam Khastoo



Wednesday, December 28, 2016

2016 - Ciao!

Hello Loves,

I deeply hope that you are having the best time of the year these days. With your loved ones, happy and wild.

I'm not. 2016 was nothing but bunch of lost hours for me. I learned a lot though. I learned too many important lessons.

You will be seeing much more of me here.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Magic is all around us;


I allow magic in my life.

My heart is open.

And it will continue.



Thursday, July 14, 2016

RUNderful life;

I do respect runners deeply . I always have.
Actually I always wanted to be a runner myself. Back in my hometown I tried. Hijab got in the way, pollution wasn't helping either.
So I quit.
I am skinny. I never needed sport for sake of fitness. That's how the whole concept was explained to me when I was a kid. So I didn't go after it.
But I had this vision of a happier me in my mind and running was in it.

I started running a year back in Istanbul. I started on my own and I was about to pick up injury I can tell when NHS podcast was suggested to me.

Now I am running each day.

Running has become daily meditation for me. Everyday after the first 20 minutes of running I need to tell myself, "You can do this", repeatedly! Believe me I found my mantra and silence in running everyday. That's when I can turn the switch of my brain off and let it all go.

*The photo was taken today. I ran yesterday under the showering rain and still my shoes are wet.




Saturday, June 25, 2016

Edge of Freshness

Today is Saturday.

And I stayed in. I just could not move from the bed. I could not listen to music. I was not in the mood to talk. Sometimes I have these episodes of loneliness. And it feels great.

It's not all sadness. It's a complex of sadness, stress, inspiration, anger and gratefulness. It's not weird, believe me. But it can be frightening for me.

I have to work on being happy more. I have to work on being independent when it comes to my feelings. No one is responsible for things I feel.

I am at the edge of starting again. I have to start real fresh.

Love you all. 

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

London transition


Heavy rain in 1st of June. London. Yes, I am here in London, and yes I love (adore) the sun, but NO, I don't hate London weather. At least I keep focusing on its beautiful side. In this weather you get to enjoy your coffee and warm socks and cosy clothes always. You will enjoy when your fluffy friend (in my case, Maya) comes and sits on my feet.

Change of weather is a sign for me for a bigger change. I am in somehow a transition here. My high and low is exaggerated. And guess what? I don't have my yoga mat with me. I left it behind in Istanbul. As much I were connected with it (cause I had my very first sun salutations on it), and I thought it will stay with me for life-time but the quality was bad and my hands kept slipping on it. So I don't know where it is but I am looking forward to get a new one as soon as I get my first pay check.
It has to be turquoise. Like the ocean. Yoga will bring me back to me.

I just want to be alone these days.

I will work on my painting today.

Love you all.


Wednesday, May 25, 2016

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