Monday, November 16, 2015

My Mother;

I am amused with writing.

It really affects me in different ways. Before I get used to do meditation often, I used to write me. As much as I used to draw.
But it's weird that I never ever thought about writing about my parents. And today I need to write about my mom.

She's great. Like most of the mothers. She's someone that I really want to be alike someday soon.
Everything that happens around me, every big decision that I need to make her face comes in front of me. I can imagine her mimics. What she would say. And I do the same.

Yes. She's great. She's funny. She's cool. And she's a real good mom.

I love her. I do.

I need to write about her properly. More. 

Friday, November 13, 2015


I wrote to my friend, Soroush couple of days ago.

I think in times of hard we need all of our friends and family to bring us the love and gratitude back.

I told him how I lost a friend and how lost I am these days.

He sent me the most beautiful poem ever.

من به تقدیر و به پیشانی و اینگونه اباطیل
ندارم باور.
اگر از من شنوایی داری
هر کسی قطره‌ی خُردی‌ست در این رودِ عظیم
که به تنهایی بی‌معنی و بی‌خاصیت است،
و فشارِ آب است
آن ناچاری
که جهت‌بخشِ حقیقی‌ست.
اسمش را
تقدیر کنند.

الف. بامداد.

Sorry if I didn't put the English version. 


Music existed for me long before I even realize it.

I fell in love with a boy when I was listening to a music even before I met him.

First time I got my heart broken it was with a song.

My love at first sight started with a song again.

Music is everything.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Making plans and breaking them;

My friends they know me as a list maker.

Yeah! I make lists. All the time. I have a whole shelf for its equipment. Wonder what?
You know... Markers, stickers, rulers, and lots and lots of colors, papers, etc.

Making lists take time. You should have the right playlist ready. You need to relax before starting to make lists. Meditate. Yoga. Playing with your puppy. Whatever that brings you back to now. Whatever makes you realize the tone of your breath.
Then it will come to your tea. Your coffee. Hahah. It's important. Believe me.

After that, for me it happens like this:

I sit. I look at my tumblr for a bit. It always inspires me.

And I write. I write. I write. I bring out the core of the writing. I start making lists.

It's one of the most fun thing to do for me. It really is.

I put them on the wall. In my journals. In my blog even!

Making list is about organizing your mind. It's about fading away the cloud among your thoughts. And see the whole thing clearly.
I used to be frustrated when I understood that I am not following them. But then I realized making lists is not just about following them and bringing them to act. It's a way to understand who you are. And it's so beautiful.

So never be sad or disappointed for not following your lists. But keep them. They are your journal. They are a better version of you that you know about yourself. They are the things that you know you want to do. The things that you know you can do.

What about you? Do you make lists? What do you make lists for?


Wednesday, November 11, 2015

An Adventure;

Photo by Derek Sparks
I come back to house. It’s around 5 o’clock. House is quiet but I am happy to see that cute wagging tail in front of me, jumping up and down.
Sunset is close. I can smell the salty water in the house. I pour a cup of coffee, just throw myself on the couch and play with Maya a bit. For nearly one hour I stay like that. Wandering around the house. Preparing Maya’s food.
Time has come. I change. Bathing suits. Surfing suits. My back-pack. I threw it in the truck and I go on my way to the shore. Everyone is there. They have made a fire. Beers. Music. Kisses. Dancing bare-feet.
As I open the door Maya jumps out and runs towards the crowd. I can hear my friends laughing, waving hands at me. I am trying to take out my board off the truck. It's stuck. A stranger comes to help me out. He is cute. I laugh. He laughs. He helps me with my board till near the fire. And that’s it. I lose him in the crowd.
My friends come close. “Give me a beer,” I say.
“Let’s have a snack, one round of waves then comes the beer.” , my friend shouts while she’s running to the dark water.
I am laughing. Fuck the beer. I run after her with my board. And …. the feeling of the water.
It feels like going back home. Water is a bit cold but I enjoy it. I paddle forward following my friend. I can see her ass on the board from distance. I am laughing. She waits. Three of my friends join us. And here we go. The wave is getting close. Hadi! They shout. They’ve learned from me. It means let’s go in Turkish. And we paddle. paddle hard. Here it comes. I jump on the board and .

Best feeling in the whole world. I am standing on a wave. How surreal that is. Huh? My whole energy becomes a big smile on my face and I look at the shore.
I see the cute guy laughing at me while bringing up his beer.
“Cheers!” , he shouts.

I can feel my heart pumping blood into my body. Simple as that. And I fall.

Life can’t get better.


P.S. My writing challenge for this month has started.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Each day, One mantra;

Each day I try to find at least ten minutes of peace. Somewhere quiet to sit and meditate. Ashley is helping me with my daily mantra. It seems like whoever is into yoga, meditation or any other kind of act of peace can be related to you closely no matter where they are and no matter what they do. Isn’t it beautiful?
So here, I sit down on my mat. My very first mat. It’s safe. I close my eyes. I place the palms of my hands on my knees. As I take a deep breath I hear the sound of my dogs’ paws running towards me. And she sits on my mat. Back to back. I keep breathing. Inhale and exhale. After couple of moments I find myself not following the sound of my breaths nor in precious “now”. I find myself near the ocean. I see my toes under the sands. I feel the wind in my hair. And the smell of the salt.

This is my now. I will picture it as long as I can till it comes true.

I trust universe. And this universe will bring me near ocean on time.


The video is dear Ashley Albrand.

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