We had a tent back in our garden. A green tent. The wind took it to our neighbor's garden. Only one leg is stuck in our garden. When I saw it throw our bathroom window, I ran out. Tried to bring it back for almost 20 minutes. The tent was much more stubborn that I thought. I left me with slight bruises. Not an inch of movement. I came back to house. Maya was waiting for me in the garden.
The green tent.
Maya, waiting for me. Freaking out on wind.
I sat down. Found myself helpless and angry cause he is not here to help. I called him. Told him what has happened. He was like always. Tried to push me to make it right by myself. And I felt lonely. I felt lonely and strong.
Is this what love does to us?
My life is an amalgamation of feeling, logic, love and incapability of making things right which ends in hopelessness for a short time. Then I feel this surge of strength which I do enjoy. Like a rush of hope into my veins and while I'm this high, I fly thousands of miles far from him till the next incident happens.
All those people out these, looking desperately for love, do they know this about themselves? Are they alright watching the tent destroyed and stuck somewhere else?
Not me. I'm a healer. I'm here to help. To make everyone feel good. Not to destroy little pieces.
It's interesting how you have couple of apps on your mobile phone and although they do same thing at some point -displaying thousands of beautiful photos- depending on your mood, you choose to use different ones.
It's been a tough week for me. I guess this is what I should call pre-break-up phase. And guess what? My tumblr has been a great great help to me. It's like it can show me that truly everything is going to be ok. And I'm just grateful for it. Why should an app help me through my tough time?
So he packed and went. "For couple of days," he said.
And I found myself with extra energy the day after. This is a good thing about me, in hard times, as I like to challenge myself, I really do enjoy myself. That's because I belong to myself. Or maybe it's because of the slight sun rays that I feel on my skin for past couple of days. Not sure.
And of course, I am not happy about it at all.
I thought we would travel the world together.
I thought we would adopt a child.
I thought we would kiss in every corner of the world.
And I thought I can make him happy.