Friday Mantra

Accept who you are. Be proud of yourself. Raise your head and breathe. Be happy for your life.
Whatever it is. It must have a bright side. Find it. Be grateful for it.

Yeah. These are the things that I kept telling myself from the morning till now. I just want to make myself feel better.

And this is the most important thing. Just FEEL GOOD.  

Secret door to my wild side

Hey.

Another day in my life has started. Lately I keep listening to Nahko Bear, Black as night. His voice brings me peace. (It’s funny that I had forgotten the word “Peace” in English). 

I try my best to be as calm as possible. But some days I am so impatient. This period also is not helping me at all. Really.

Let me start like this. It’s been years that I am searching for my goal. Lately much more harder than before. Yesterday in the bus, on the way to work, it just appeared to me. My very first goal in life is to be happy. Yes. It’s not like I didn’t know it before, but somehow it came to me. It was like I believed it. I had tears in my eyes. I just wanted to get back to our house, hug B and tell him that I am here whenever he wants, that how much I love him for being around. And sure Maya was also in my picture.

Today I came to work, I feel something heavy on my heart. I am kinda tired of all these articles that I keep reading every day.

I want to apply for master degrees this year. And if I don’t get the admission, I will quit my job here and start traveling. I just need to survive six or seven months.

Lately, I have this feeling that it’s just a beginning. And in couple of years I will do different things and meet different people and places. I feel a door to my wild side has opened that will never be closed again. 

I call it real life of mine. 

Love you all.

eL.

Girl with yellow background

eL. 

Look deeper. Search for the ray of hope!

Hey guys.

Here in Istanbul I am blessed with magic. Believe it or not it’s here. Not in Istanbul only, it’s all around us. U just have to be open to it. You just have to believe it.

Yesterday I was having a very hard day at work. My heart was somewhere else, my mind somewhere else. Two different directions and each of them was trying to pull the other one. I was so damn tired, hopeless and angry.
I went home late at night. I un-rolled my mat on the floor. I sat there. I couldn’t do yoga. I had lost the tempo of my heart beat. I laid. Savasana was there to help me out. After that I put my leg up on the wall and just laid there. Tried to imagine the ocean.

Lately the thought of ocean helps me out.

Today I feel better. Much better. I talked to Gokce. I am so happy I have her after Cat left. Office without her is like a prison, and my chat with Gokce again made me feel like despite you think it’s like a prison, there will be always a light coming along the way.

Good day to you all.

I am going to start sketching and taking photos all over again. And here won’t be just words, words and words. 

eL.

To do list: GET OUT!

This is one of “those” days.

Canım sıkıldı. Really!!

I just need some space. I need nature so damn bad that I just can sign my resignation paper and walk out of this glassy door of our studio.

Really, what the hell is wrong with me? 

I am working in a design studio that despite all the flaws, it’s much better than could have happened to me. I have two cute faces waiting for me at home. I have my family who loves me. And on the other hand I have hundreds of passion which hardly I can find the time to improve them all.
Hormones? I don’t like to blame my hormones each time I go crazy.
Am I just too spoiled? I hate me if it’s true.

I just want to stand up right now and shout. Then laugh as much as I can. Then pack my stuff and get the hell out of here. 

I want to put this country song by Mike Dowling in my ears and just ride on roads one after the other till I just hate the banjo sound (Which I wont) .

I just want to lay near the beach and stretch, read books about yoga and practice and practice and practice till in Adho Mukha Svanasana my feet touch the ground without bending my knees.

Life is too vast to sit on a simple chair and look at a monitor.

We are alive to run as fast as we can, we have eyes to gaze at un-limited sky.

Not here. Not like this.

Deep blue sea (Sky?)

When you get to answer questions in life, it will be like a start of a music. An on-going one. It will never come to an end. Then you just have to listen and enjoy. 

I came to Istanbul to answer my questions, I did. But there are just lots of them. Every day I have this new feeling which brings me new questions. Every single day.

It’s getting more and more clearer to me. My problems, my questions they seem to have found at least their path to their answers.

I am having normal days at work. It’s not busy yet have something to work on every day. Office seems like always. Actually it’s so routine that I don’t recognize any difference. Today is Cat’s last day. I just don’t want to think about my lunch time without her laughing around. My decision was to live in the moment, right?

I hope I can manage a trip with B in couple of weeks. It would be nice if we could spend a weekend near the beach. 

On the earth that has some place like beach, it's crazy to live elsewhere. 

Jādū aura pyāra*

Ok.

So I have decided to write more often from now on. Cat gave me this motivation to write again. I mean she keeps talking about how much she wants to write and even tries to work with her writing talent, and that reminds me of my oldest blog. I used to write stories, poems. I even remember I took photos for my posts. I think we should try not to forget our passion during years passing by.

Life gets routine. I think lately B is bored of taking care of Maya. As he had accepted the responsibility, I know that he does not nag, but he is. I can see it. I try my best to take part and help him, but my long hours of work in the office is not helping. For example, last night I left office around 7, I went to my yoga class, and at 10:47 I arrived home. I was tired and so relax that I just wanted to sleep. But I didn’t. I cooked. I tried to stay awake and watch a movie with him. In the morning also, I cleaned everywhere that I thought Maya had peed.

I hope I could help a bit.

This was about my daily life in which I try my best to keep up the happy parts and not to get bored of it.

Next thing I want to write about this new life-style that I am experiencing now for nearly six months. I am trying to find some answers in life. Where do I belong? What’s happiness for me? What is my mission in life?

Till now I have reached to some interesting answers. Yoga also has been a huge help to me. For me it’s not just stretching or relaxing. It represents a life-style for me which is respectable for me. Really.

Lately I am thinking about my present moment more than before. I am more hopeful and I am seeing life through another perspective. I am grateful for all the things around me. I try not to get attached to the “situations”. Situations will pass anyway. What remains is a memory. I am trying to keep a good memory of each moment that has passed. Earth seems vast and love does not end for us.

I found the picture from pinterest.

Let’s live for our happiness. Not for situations.

Let’s stretch for life.

xoxo

*Magic and love