Dear October; ur stay was short, wasn't it?

Dear October, 

Some days when I wake up, I'm numb. Are you like that too? It's like nothing is important. It's like I have explored every phase and every emotion deeply. It's like I know exactly what to expect in every corner of my senses that going there again will not bring me any surprises. Maybe that's why I become numb. 

On days like this, the first thing I do is to pretend I am "not" numb. I see people I smile. I know which words to use. I know how to make coffee. I remember coffee smells great. Still numb. And as I pretend, each cell because it has its own memory, they all start sending messages to my brain. To wake up. This is you. This is us. Coffee smells good. This morning "can be" beautiful. You "need to" be grateful. 

Now why should I be grateful? 

Again the cells are killing themselves to sending me these messages. My parents face. Elika's smile. Giulio's hands holding my hand, Tarek's face talking to me. Anamika's tea smell, messages from Bamika, from Shokoofeh and Niloo. A new pair of shoes. Sitting at work smiling. A breeze in my hair in summer. Maya's smell. Running after her. My friends squeezing me on my birthday. 

Oh man.. this list can be novels after novels. 

I remembered everything. I can feel again. I am not numb anymore. 

Memories are important. It tells us who we are. It tells us why we are. And we need to respect that. We need to set a time aside. Document it. Think about it. Write about it. Analyse it. Because one day you wake up. You are numb. Like me. Like today. You need to have something to go to. You need to somehow remember who you are. Why you are. Believe me, you dont want to live like a numb person. 

You just don't. 

Life is short. Really short. In a blink of an eye, you will not be here anymore. Just live it then, fully! 

Much love, 
E.

Day I-Dont-Know: Self isolation

Hello;

I don't see any purpose of counting days in the lockdown anymore. It seems it's here to stay. I'm not going to lie, it is not easy. It's challenging my patience. Counting days at G's seemed beautiful. It was like when you look back and tell yourself, "I was on holidays for a week". That "week" counts! It's 7 days. 7 nights. You like those 7 days and nights. So counting 42 days meant everything. Every moment of it.
Now everything is on pause. I just need to be more patient.
And this fucking period needs to come now!

Maya

Be still,
Elina

Day 29: Self isolation

Today in Iran and tomorrow in UK is my birthday.

So blessed for all the lovely friends I have!

So so so blessed for the journey I am in.

So much love in me.

Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you <3

Aurora and I; social distancing

Happy birthday Elina.

Day 23: Self isolation

Today was a good day.

Later into the evening, I had a fight with my family on the phone. Gosh I hate these fights.
My sister is still going to work. And I am paralysed with worry.
I called them & said I am sorry that I shouted.
I think maybe these days at home can be a good time for me to dig deeper in these family issues.

Gosh everything is heavy on my chest.

Last night I slept in his arms under the moonlight.

White wine with sunset

Burgers with BBC news

P.S. I miss Maya so much.

Breathe,
Elina

Little moments of love;

As you may know I’m having hard times these days and desperately I’m looking for something to cheers me up. There are tiny things on daily basis that can make you happy, things you never even notice sometimes. Like a ray of a sun after a week of heavy rain. Like waking up in the morning and finding out that Maya is sleeping on my neck, snoring. Like the smell of a coffee. Like the trees blossoms. Like Tannaz singing. Like a simple text from a friend. Like hearing your favorite song on a new playlist on spotify,… . See? This list is endless. I’ve learned that embracing these little moment can help you a lot.

 And I’m grateful for each and every one of them.

But today something really different happened. It was one of those moments when you are not looking for something big, and it happens right in front of you.

There’s a little girl living next door. She should be five or six. Sometimes when I’m about to go out to take Maya for a walk I see her with her mom coming back from nursery. If Maya is not with me, usually she looks at me like, where is the dog. One time she bashfully asked her mom to ask me, where is Maya? -Which I heard and told her that I was going out and Maya is at home playing with her toys.

Today I came back from my daily walk with Maya when she started growling (more like singing) in the hallway, behind or flat’s door. She was thirsty I could tell. Suddenly I say a small hand which were painted in pink came out of the letter box. Maya started to jump to give the hand a high-five. The girl was laughing so loud and Maya was so excited too J So I bent and said hi to the girl, and she asked me if I can bring Maya close so she could touch her. And that was just cute! She said I always come behind the door when I hear Maya.

This just made my day. And I’m so damn grateful for it! 

Where the little hand came out to touch Maya:)

 Love, 

eL.

Love Love Love;

All about my morning rituals;

I used to run back in my home town. I used to put on the scarf and manteaux and I used to run for 30 or 20 minutes or something. It was not very easy, I had to rush home, wash my hair (it was long back then) and then again I was headed to university. The weather was so polluted and the process was so tiring that I quit.

I have a morning rituals now. It’s so special for me. I wake up around 6, I hug my dog which I wish I had more time for it. Then I make tea, I prepare a warm water with a lemon inside and with my dog we go out. We walk a bit. We play more. Then I start running while she gets busy playing with grass or a mosquito J 

Nice image, right? It is. It truly is.

We get back home. I take a shower and have my breakfast and I go to work.

I run with my whole strength. I know that each step will help me to move forward. Each breath will help me to stand on a surf board one day. I get tired though. It’s not like the footages that you see, a wonderful woman running in a sunrise… no! It’s not like that at all. I sweat. I can not breathe sometimes. But I remember my Manipura mantras;

I know who I am.
and
where I am going in life.
I am confident and powerful.
I am unstoppable.
I am fearless.

I am so grateful and feel blessed with my morning rituals. 

You can follow me on Nike+ , it's truly an amazing app. 

Love Love Love. 

eL. 

Plan for a miracle*

I MUA  is the song that I am listening to right now.

I will go to the volcano

Melt my heat in Mauna keas snow.

I will go to the volcano

Melt my heat in Mauna keas snow.

Get waist deep, yeah get barreled.

All the gifts returned tenfold

I will go to the volcano.

I will go to the volcano.

Melt my heart in Mauna keas snow

Melt my heart in Mauna keas snow.

Hell, good thing i don’t require much.

Makes it easier to move and stand straight up.

A little tough love and the gentle touch.

The more i struggle the more I’m stuck.

The less i speak the more i know.

The faster i move the slower i go.

I will go to the volcano.      

Melt my heart in Mauna kea’s snow!

Lately I am reading a book about “JOY”.  You might have read it. In the first half of the book, it talks about the difference between joy, happiness, pleasure and bliss. And how easily we can mixed their meaning with each other. We think we are happy, but it’s only pleasure. We think it’s a moment of joy, but it’s the one and only moment of bliss.
It’s so interesting.

For some reason I love to spend my whole life learning about these stuff about myself.

What about you? Can you distinguish these from each other in your life?

This weekend was relaxing. On Saturday, it rained the whole morning. Sadaf came here around 4, and we went to have a “huge” lunch in Bagdad Caddesi. We were hungry as if we had been stoned for couple of hours! LOL. At night we were dead tired.

Today I went to yoga. Guys, believe me or not I am getting much more better!!! I may start Ashtanga yoga soon. And we have started kicking our legs off the mat and sending them one by one to the air in addition to start hand stand! I am so excited (Happiness:D) 

Also with Ozge and Sam we had started a 30 Day Plank Pose Challenge. You can also start it. I am in third day, and my lower stomach is feeling lively.

Preparing my dear fruit salad;

Maya, looking at the fruit salad; 

Have an awesome week!

LOVE LOVE LOVE. 

eL. 

* By Osho

Cute little fury thing;

Maya's hand. 

Things we forget;

Smart phones are toxic.

Not because they keep you apart from what is out there, nah! Because they make you forget about your camera! And how much fun you can have taking photos with real cameras!

Charge their batteries again. Start using them.

Maya

Maya

Love you all.

eL.