Day 27: Self isolation

The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. 

Maya Angelou

Day 18: Self isolation

Happy April.

Today I was about to go to Perugia work Journalism Festival. For five days. G wanted to come for couple of days there. We had rented a car. We wanted to stay in a castle... Well, CoronaVirus changed the whole plan!

I had totally forgot about Perugia in the past couple of day.

Tonight after we watched "Captain Corelli's Mandolin", i went to the room to sleep and saw that he has turned on the projector. And there was a video clip about Perugia.

I was full of tears. I was speechless.

I think I reviewed the speech Pelagia's father made about love in my head while I was tearing up:

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like
volcanoes and then subsides.  And when it subsides you have to make a
decision.  You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined
together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.That is just being in love, which any fool can do.  Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground,
and, when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches,
they find that they are one
tree and not two.

I felt love that night. Loud and clear. It was not new. I have it in me for quite sometime. For the past couple of months. And it's here to stay. It's here to warm my body and to give me hope for a very long time. I can feel it. 

We are in Perugia

Dinner tonight

Yumm - Pana chocolate

Coroni days with G are the best days! Shhh! 

With love,
Elina

Right timing;

Love who you love while you have them.
That’s all you can do. Let them go when you must.
If you know how to love, you’ll never run out.

Maya

*Ann Brashares, My Name Is Memory

Magic is all around us;

Today,

I allow magic in my life.

My heart is open.

And it will continue.

Love, 

eL.

Each day, One mantra;

Each day I try to find at least ten minutes of peace. Somewhere quiet to sit and meditate. Ashley is helping me with my daily mantra. It seems like whoever is into yoga, meditation or any other kind of act of peace can be related to you closely no matter where they are and no matter what they do. Isn’t it beautiful?

So here, I sit down on my mat. My very first mat. It’s safe. I close my eyes. I place the palms of my hands on my knees. As I take a deep breath I hear the sound of my dogs’ paws running towards me. And she sits on my mat. Back to back. I keep breathing. Inhale and exhale. After couple of moments I find myself not following the sound of my breaths nor in precious “now”. I find myself near the ocean. I see my toes under the sands. I feel the wind in my hair. And the smell of the salt.

This is my now. I will picture it as long as I can till it comes true.

I trust universe. And this universe will bring me near ocean on time.

The video is dear Ashley Albrand.

Love,

eL.

It's November;

The last months of 2015 seem to be full of changes. Really. Look around you.

It's all there.

Hope yours is good.

My friends are pregnant. Some of them are getting married. Some of the are moving on. Some are changing house. Some are changing countries. Some are getting used to the new life. New rituals. Some wounds are healing. Some are making new decisions. Life styles.

I can see the real life when I look around. Seems like a fast forward of a beautiful drama.

For me is the same. Of course. And I get depressed a lot. Don't worry. It's because of November. It brings kinda depression that you praise happiness. It's a kind of feeling that completes senses. U know?

Wish you all the bests.

Love .

eL.

Trust life always;

There are a lot of love quote that I want to share with the world. I just have not found the right medium. I tried music. Could not succeed in it. I started to draw. I could calm myself, don't know about others. 

Now life is taking me to a point where there's change. Yeah. I may move to London. Huge, isn't it? 

It just does not feel right. The clouds, the rain, the long hours of working just does not seem to fit in me. 

You might say this is life. Look! It's London. But what about ocean and sun? What about walking barefoot on the sands? What about the colors in sun and my beach house wish!? 

Today I meditated on this mantra,"Trust that life will always, always take you where you need to be".

I practiced pranayama for a bit. 

Now listening to one of my favorite radio talks and drinking my favorite latte with white chocolate and try to calm myself down with all of these mixed feelings. 

Elika has been through a lot lately. I wanted to have enough money to bring her to a retreat. We could just relax and then start all over again. 

I miss my life a lot. I will explore my tumblr now. The only place that it's totally mine and I feel inspired so matter what. 

It's time of change. But I need to trust life. I really need to trust life. 

Peace & love to you all. 

Words to live by;

Live your life;

Desire.

Wish.

Hope.

These words are really important. You have to realize them. You have to analyze the deepest bits of meaning which has buried inside.

Are you asking why?

I’ll let you know. With these words you live happier. You make other people’s lives happier place.

And it’s important.

It’s important to live happily. 

May all the wishes come true;

My friend sent me a message:

"Elina, I wish you the wind so it takes you straight to the ocean where you can surf".

How beautiful and awesome is this wish?!

Love.xo

eL.

My birthday wish

It’s really funny and interestingly weird that two years ago on my birthday I had this one and only wish; I wished Dreambox accepts me as a full-time employee, and now after two years, on the same day I am seeking a way out.

Again I am facing the same fears, same doubts and same efforts to prove myself I am enough. That I am perfect. 

Isn't it interesting? The effort we put to find the thing we think we love and then hopelessly we search for a shortcut to finish it? To get away from it as much as possible?!

I read a paragraph by Lillian Schneider which says: 

“Single people want relationships, settled people wonder if they’re missing out on something, traveling types miss stability, stable ones are restless, old friends want new friends, new friends miss old friends, and basically almost everyone my age has some dangling worry trailing around after them everywhere that they’re somehow not doing everything, that what they’re doing is not altogether the right thing, that they are missing out. … Do not be ashamed. The doubt is natural, and everyone you know – yes, even that person – carries it sometimes too. Allow yourself to be peaceful. Allow yourself satisfaction in what you have. If you really don’t like it, allow yourself permission to make changes.”

I think It's so true it worths reading couple of times over and over. 
On one hand it makes you hopeful that everyone else in this world are struggling, just like you, just like me! On the other hand it can make you dangerously hopeless: Why trying then? Why to put myself in so much pain and doubt. It seems nobody gets it at last. 
-it?-yeah, I mean happiness. I mean being content and reaching to the concept of being "enough". 
Maybe. But if you just give up, it does not feel right. You have to fight. You have to be wild at heart. 
The destination is all about the journey itself. About all the pain that moves through your veins and nerves and makes you cry loud. It's all about the love towards yourself, which you want the best for yourself. You are not happy with the sadness. You need to go higher, because you fucking deserve it. 

I've never ever said out loud my wish for my birthday, but this year I will. 

I wish I find a way that I know it's right. I wish for the best of me. I wish to find a job that I love it with all of my heart.... 
And I wish I find the thing that I realize I WAS BORN TO DO. And till I find it I will never give up. 

Love you all. 

Breathe, believe and receive!

Hi everyone,

Have you ever think about “Mantra”s?

I mean when was the first time you heard about them? Did you use them? Do they make you feel comfortable or you feel stupid while repeating your mantras?!

For me, the first time in my life I heard about mantras in this book. My boyfriend had broken up with me and I was very young and in love. I thought I could die with this broken heart, I needed some comfort, even talking to my friends was not helping, I needed more than that.

In the search for a real love, I started my mantras at the edge of 20. I used to write all the time, I used to repeat these mantras all the time, whenever I was sad I used to repeat that I am happy and grateful, and to tell you the truth I can never, ever disregard the effects and impacts of them on my life.

Now today let’s just take a moment, sit somewhere comfortable, drink something warm and delicious, grab a pen and your journal. Just start to write.

Me writing, relaxing and being grateful in weekend!

Write about the reasons you are proud of yourself. The changes that you wish to see in yourself. Make them simple, lovely phrases and repeat them in your meditation. Try to imagine it. Try to be it in your mind. Feel each aspect of it. And enjoy being it.

Healing Mantra by CarlyMarie

There’s nothing better in life than being grateful and hopeful for things yet to come!

Love you all.xoxo

Thursday Quote;

Stay patient and trust your journey.

eL.