To my heart I must be true;

To my heart I must be true.

I may get this as my first tattoo. What do you think?

B is still in Tehran. I thought I will be really angry with him when he leaves. Because I thought there will be too many thing for me to do, I thought I will not be able to do yoga, I will not find the strength to run everyday. I assumed I will be so stressful everyday.

But it happened the exact opposite!

I did everything that I wanted, maybe more. I have energy to watch my favorite movies at nights. I want to play with Maya all the time. At work, eurgh! At work I am acting like a super woman. And to tell you the truth office has been really busy lately. I cooked most of the nights.

Should it be like this? Shouldn’t it be the opposite?

And I am proud of myself. lol.

I can do it. I can live alone. I can work and handle another human being beside it.

I believe change is near. And whatever it is, I am ready and grateful.

To my heart I must be true and I should not misjudge my instincts.

Love.

eL.

Inspired by life;

Today is Wednesday;
It’s 10^th of June.
It’s been 3 days since B has gone.
It’s been 2 days since I am doing push-ups. My abs hurt like shit.
It’s been 1 months since I do yoga & meditate each night.
It’s 11:00.

I’m so inspired. Not specially for running, or do more yoga, or for art or for cooking… I am just so inspired to live this awesome life. 

I am carrying this pain with me every day around and I respect it. It shows me that I am working, I am one more step nearer to “it”. I don’t know what “it” is but I know “it” worth it.

I don’t feel lonely. I feel strong and oriented. I feel that I have extra hours although I am working more than before. I miss talking. There’s no one around to talk to. I miss talking in Farsi. It seems like vipassana in language. I spend as much time as possible with Maya. She has all the love in the world.

I have got used to the clouds. I dream of sun. It’s not like I am happy on sunny days or whatever… I just need sun for a long time. I want to know that sun will stay forever. Not for a season, or a week or a day. I have to know that it will stay. I want to be sure that each awesome sunset that I witness will bring a beautiful day again with the same sun, with the same warmth over my head.

I am taking everything so slow. It feels right.

I cook more.

I am alive. 

Love you.

eL. 

My dear June;

June is here.

I’ve decided to write about June.

It might be the last June that I will ever live in Istanbul, so it has to be special.

And it’s the first month of Summer.

There is a long list of items that we have to do. I guess from time to time we get bored of our list and we decide to change the app only. So far we are using Wunderlist, and it’s good.

I think a person does yoga every damn day, spend time with his/her loved ones (including dogs of course), is able to find a time to read a book, watch a movie, walk and think and be independent financially is a happy person. Nah?
This theory defines me as a happy person and I tend to stick with it in my dear June.

Here's the list of things that I want to do in dear June:

1. Do yoga more. I have signed up for Yelina's workshops of course.
2. Focus on my meditation.
3. Keep running. It would be awesome if I can make it 10 minutes everyday.
4. Write more.
5. Visualize more. (check out number 6)
6. Focus more on what I really want.

I am sure this month will be awesome.

Love ya'll!

Words to live by;