Girl with yellow background

eL. 

Look deeper. Search for the ray of hope!

Hey guys.

Here in Istanbul I am blessed with magic. Believe it or not it’s here. Not in Istanbul only, it’s all around us. U just have to be open to it. You just have to believe it.

Yesterday I was having a very hard day at work. My heart was somewhere else, my mind somewhere else. Two different directions and each of them was trying to pull the other one. I was so damn tired, hopeless and angry.
I went home late at night. I un-rolled my mat on the floor. I sat there. I couldn’t do yoga. I had lost the tempo of my heart beat. I laid. Savasana was there to help me out. After that I put my leg up on the wall and just laid there. Tried to imagine the ocean.

Lately the thought of ocean helps me out.

Today I feel better. Much better. I talked to Gokce. I am so happy I have her after Cat left. Office without her is like a prison, and my chat with Gokce again made me feel like despite you think it’s like a prison, there will be always a light coming along the way.

Good day to you all.

I am going to start sketching and taking photos all over again. And here won’t be just words, words and words. 

eL.

To do list: GET OUT!

This is one of “those” days.

Canım sıkıldı. Really!!

I just need some space. I need nature so damn bad that I just can sign my resignation paper and walk out of this glassy door of our studio.

Really, what the hell is wrong with me? 

I am working in a design studio that despite all the flaws, it’s much better than could have happened to me. I have two cute faces waiting for me at home. I have my family who loves me. And on the other hand I have hundreds of passion which hardly I can find the time to improve them all.
Hormones? I don’t like to blame my hormones each time I go crazy.
Am I just too spoiled? I hate me if it’s true.

I just want to stand up right now and shout. Then laugh as much as I can. Then pack my stuff and get the hell out of here. 

I want to put this country song by Mike Dowling in my ears and just ride on roads one after the other till I just hate the banjo sound (Which I wont) .

I just want to lay near the beach and stretch, read books about yoga and practice and practice and practice till in Adho Mukha Svanasana my feet touch the ground without bending my knees.

Life is too vast to sit on a simple chair and look at a monitor.

We are alive to run as fast as we can, we have eyes to gaze at un-limited sky.

Not here. Not like this.

Deep blue sea (Sky?)

When you get to answer questions in life, it will be like a start of a music. An on-going one. It will never come to an end. Then you just have to listen and enjoy. 

I came to Istanbul to answer my questions, I did. But there are just lots of them. Every day I have this new feeling which brings me new questions. Every single day.

It’s getting more and more clearer to me. My problems, my questions they seem to have found at least their path to their answers.

I am having normal days at work. It’s not busy yet have something to work on every day. Office seems like always. Actually it’s so routine that I don’t recognize any difference. Today is Cat’s last day. I just don’t want to think about my lunch time without her laughing around. My decision was to live in the moment, right?

I hope I can manage a trip with B in couple of weeks. It would be nice if we could spend a weekend near the beach. 

On the earth that has some place like beach, it's crazy to live elsewhere. 

Jādū aura pyāra*

Ok.

So I have decided to write more often from now on. Cat gave me this motivation to write again. I mean she keeps talking about how much she wants to write and even tries to work with her writing talent, and that reminds me of my oldest blog. I used to write stories, poems. I even remember I took photos for my posts. I think we should try not to forget our passion during years passing by.

Life gets routine. I think lately B is bored of taking care of Maya. As he had accepted the responsibility, I know that he does not nag, but he is. I can see it. I try my best to take part and help him, but my long hours of work in the office is not helping. For example, last night I left office around 7, I went to my yoga class, and at 10:47 I arrived home. I was tired and so relax that I just wanted to sleep. But I didn’t. I cooked. I tried to stay awake and watch a movie with him. In the morning also, I cleaned everywhere that I thought Maya had peed.

I hope I could help a bit.

This was about my daily life in which I try my best to keep up the happy parts and not to get bored of it.

Next thing I want to write about this new life-style that I am experiencing now for nearly six months. I am trying to find some answers in life. Where do I belong? What’s happiness for me? What is my mission in life?

Till now I have reached to some interesting answers. Yoga also has been a huge help to me. For me it’s not just stretching or relaxing. It represents a life-style for me which is respectable for me. Really.

Lately I am thinking about my present moment more than before. I am more hopeful and I am seeing life through another perspective. I am grateful for all the things around me. I try not to get attached to the “situations”. Situations will pass anyway. What remains is a memory. I am trying to keep a good memory of each moment that has passed. Earth seems vast and love does not end for us.

I found the picture from pinterest.

Let’s live for our happiness. Not for situations.

Let’s stretch for life.

xoxo

*Magic and love

Signs, Words, ... Everything is real.

Should we take things we see as signs?

Lately, I cannot help it but I do.

I live in Istanbul. It’s been a year and half. I am working in a visual communication studio as a production assistant.

Months ago, I got sick. I wanted to do everything, and I couldn’t. I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend, wanted to have time to read books, listen to music, go shopping, cook at home, have time to talk to my family and friends more and spend pretty much amount of time on practicing my drawing. Ah! Forgot to tell you, I work 10 hours a day!!! So, yes. I got sick. There was too much pressure on me. I realized I have to pay more attention to my body and to my mind. I had to organize my mid. I had to make my body stronger, so I could tolerate all of these pressures.

In result, I found myself thinking about yoga. And yes! I started. The first weeks was a total challenge. My body was dry as wood. I couldn’t touch the ground without bending my knees. I couldn’t breathe. My breath lasted till I counted to 2. I felt like I was a chain smoker for all of my life (which I weren’t).
I had to read, I had to find answers. I had to practice more, because I thought I don’t even know my body, how I want to know who I am in life.

Somehow my journey started at this point. I am still a beginner, but even till now I have learned a lot.
That’s why I love yoga. I am eager to wake up every morning to practice. Gratitude the sun, earth and the fire in me. I have a much clearer picture of me in the world.

These days I don’t hate the office. But I am sure I will not spend my life here. I have this tendency to learn more and more, and pass it over to people who want to learn.

I think after all I deserve to interpret everything around me as a sign to inspire me in this way.

Getting to know Cat (my friend at work, a traveler, and someone whom I will be missing a lot when she leaves Istanbul), Ozge (who happens to be in yoga teacher training program and sits beside me in the office), reading all these articles and so on… I took them all as a sign that I am much more closer to find my answers in life. 

Photos, inspiring quotes .... everything means something more to me now. 

What about you? Have you find your way? 

I read this quote , and I just loved it: 

“I stopped telling myself that I’m lost.

I’m not.

I’m on a road with no destination, I’m just driving with hope that I’ll find a place that I like and I’ll stay there.

I’m not lost, I’m on my way.

”

Brand New day

They say you change completely each 7 or 5 years.
And yes! This year is my forth seven years. I’m changing. I can feel it.

The whole wonderful world is ahead of me.

Come with me into this magical days of wonder.