It's November;

The last months of 2015 seem to be full of changes. Really. Look around you.

It's all there.

Hope yours is good.

My friends are pregnant. Some of them are getting married. Some of the are moving on. Some are changing house. Some are changing countries. Some are getting used to the new life. New rituals. Some wounds are healing. Some are making new decisions. Life styles.

I can see the real life when I look around. Seems like a fast forward of a beautiful drama.

For me is the same. Of course. And I get depressed a lot. Don't worry. It's because of November. It brings kinda depression that you praise happiness. It's a kind of feeling that completes senses. U know?

Wish you all the bests.

Love .

eL.

Trust life always;

There are a lot of love quote that I want to share with the world. I just have not found the right medium. I tried music. Could not succeed in it. I started to draw. I could calm myself, don't know about others. 

Now life is taking me to a point where there's change. Yeah. I may move to London. Huge, isn't it? 

It just does not feel right. The clouds, the rain, the long hours of working just does not seem to fit in me. 

You might say this is life. Look! It's London. But what about ocean and sun? What about walking barefoot on the sands? What about the colors in sun and my beach house wish!? 

Today I meditated on this mantra,"Trust that life will always, always take you where you need to be".

I practiced pranayama for a bit. 

Now listening to one of my favorite radio talks and drinking my favorite latte with white chocolate and try to calm myself down with all of these mixed feelings. 

Elika has been through a lot lately. I wanted to have enough money to bring her to a retreat. We could just relax and then start all over again. 

I miss my life a lot. I will explore my tumblr now. The only place that it's totally mine and I feel inspired so matter what. 

It's time of change. But I need to trust life. I really need to trust life. 

Peace & love to you all. 

Jump. Feel the air.

Hey.

As soon as I saw that Safa has wrote I was like when did I quit writing?

For me fall came without any prelude, like a single note of piano and I got lost in its echo. The sound is still in my head and I am swirling in it. So beautiful.

Days are passing behind my white desk and monitor and thousands of wishes and hope. Days are passing with quick kisses on lips and 20 minutes of walking in park with Maya and a messed up house. 

My friend died. Two months ago and I didn’t know. I am checking my f***ing facebook and I didn’t see it. They showed it on TV and I didn’t see it. My friends changed their photos into a black space but I didn’t see. Yesterday I spent mourning inside for her. One of these days, these simple-behind-the-desk kind of days she smashed her head while jumping from a 20 meter waterfall. I keep imagining the moment that she jumped. For sure she was so excited. For sure it took her just a second. If I close my eyes I can clearly understand what it feels when you jump. You can hear your friends shouting from excitement. Then you jump into the air. It’s all about the flying. Sound of nature. Then you touch the water and that’s it.
For her it was a bit different. For her she could not come out. She was brought out of the water. She had her loved ones crying, … . But still it is so beautiful. So unique. And I believe in death for being unique. Don’t you?

Lately I think about death a lot. It has become real to me. It has become simple for me. And I think it's comforting. Right?

I just want to ask you to close your eyes for 3 minutes. Be quiet and still. Breathe. Be grateful for this lives of ours. 

Dear Sheida, rest in peace dear. I will never forget you. 

Love.

eL.

My name is ELINA;

Thanks to Polona Typo.

Sunset, oh dear sunset;

Istanbul sky

Love,

eL.

I refuse to give up my wildness;

I have always been wildly indecisive, dipping my hungry limbs into all sorts of hobbies and professions and projects and interests. Not because I'm irresponsible, really, but because my spirit longs to sample each and every patch of life like sips of wine. I've been an artist, and a musician, and a journalist, and a photographer, and an employee, some at the same time, some for a while, some for only a breath. When something isn't the proper fit for me, I honor it, and then gently (and swiftly) let it go. I am forever learning what I love, and, maybe even more importantly, what I don't love. Some folks may see this as quitting, as something that should be shamed, but I think it's so fucking beautiful. It's okay that I'm neither one thing, or the other. I refuse to be bound by boundaries. I refuse to give up my wildness. I promise to always change my mind. I contain multitudes. I am a universe wrapped in skin. And so are you.

Thanks Kristen Hedges for the inspiration. 

To my heart I must be true;

To my heart I must be true.

I may get this as my first tattoo. What do you think?

B is still in Tehran. I thought I will be really angry with him when he leaves. Because I thought there will be too many thing for me to do, I thought I will not be able to do yoga, I will not find the strength to run everyday. I assumed I will be so stressful everyday.

But it happened the exact opposite!

I did everything that I wanted, maybe more. I have energy to watch my favorite movies at nights. I want to play with Maya all the time. At work, eurgh! At work I am acting like a super woman. And to tell you the truth office has been really busy lately. I cooked most of the nights.

Should it be like this? Shouldn’t it be the opposite?

And I am proud of myself. lol.

I can do it. I can live alone. I can work and handle another human being beside it.

I believe change is near. And whatever it is, I am ready and grateful.

To my heart I must be true and I should not misjudge my instincts.

Love.

eL.