I have chosen me. Over others.
It feels right.
Happy Monday!
It feels right.
Happy Monday!
 |
| Everyday I walk passed by these trees. Spring is here. |
Monday, March 6, 2017
Monday, February 27, 2017
The Great Divorce;
I'm trying to find our old-selves in others but can not find.
We are so far from each other.
And what I need right now is : more hugs and more house plants.
Thursday, February 23, 2017
Green Tent
It's damn windy today.
We had a tent back in our garden. A green tent. The wind took it to our neighbor's garden. Only one leg is stuck in our garden. When I saw it throw our bathroom window, I ran out. Tried to bring it back for almost 20 minutes. The tent was much more stubborn that I thought. I left me with slight bruises. Not an inch of movement. I came back to house. Maya was waiting for me in the garden.
I sat down. Found myself helpless and angry cause he is not here to help. I called him. Told him what has happened. He was like always. Tried to push me to make it right by myself. And I felt lonely. I felt lonely and strong.
Is this what love does to us?
My life is an amalgamation of feeling, logic, love and incapability of making things right which ends in hopelessness for a short time. Then I feel this surge of strength which I do enjoy. Like a rush of hope into my veins and while I'm this high, I fly thousands of miles far from him till the next incident happens.
All those people out these, looking desperately for love, do they know this about themselves? Are they alright watching the tent destroyed and stuck somewhere else?
Not me. I'm a healer. I'm here to help. To make everyone feel good. Not to destroy little pieces.
Love,
eL.
We had a tent back in our garden. A green tent. The wind took it to our neighbor's garden. Only one leg is stuck in our garden. When I saw it throw our bathroom window, I ran out. Tried to bring it back for almost 20 minutes. The tent was much more stubborn that I thought. I left me with slight bruises. Not an inch of movement. I came back to house. Maya was waiting for me in the garden.
 |
| The green tent. |
 |
| Maya, waiting for me. Freaking out on wind. |
I sat down. Found myself helpless and angry cause he is not here to help. I called him. Told him what has happened. He was like always. Tried to push me to make it right by myself. And I felt lonely. I felt lonely and strong.
Is this what love does to us?
My life is an amalgamation of feeling, logic, love and incapability of making things right which ends in hopelessness for a short time. Then I feel this surge of strength which I do enjoy. Like a rush of hope into my veins and while I'm this high, I fly thousands of miles far from him till the next incident happens.
All those people out these, looking desperately for love, do they know this about themselves? Are they alright watching the tent destroyed and stuck somewhere else?
Not me. I'm a healer. I'm here to help. To make everyone feel good. Not to destroy little pieces.
Love,
eL.
Monday, February 20, 2017
I belong deeply to myself;
It's interesting how you have couple of apps on your mobile phone and although they do same thing at some point -displaying thousands of beautiful photos- depending on your mood, you choose to use different ones.
It's been a tough week for me. I guess this is what I should call pre-break-up phase. And guess what?
My tumblr has been a great great help to me. It's like it can show me that truly everything is going to be ok. And I'm just grateful for it.
Why should an app help me through my tough time?
So he packed and went. "For couple of days," he said.
And I found myself with extra energy the day after. This is a good thing about me, in hard times, as I like to challenge myself, I really do enjoy myself. That's because I belong to myself. Or maybe it's because of the slight sun rays that I feel on my skin for past couple of days. Not sure.
And of course, I am not happy about it at all.
I thought we would travel the world together.
I thought we would adopt a child.
I thought we would kiss in every corner of the world.
And I thought I can make him happy.
Life proves you wrong sometimes though.
Love,
eL.
It's been a tough week for me. I guess this is what I should call pre-break-up phase. And guess what?
My tumblr has been a great great help to me. It's like it can show me that truly everything is going to be ok. And I'm just grateful for it.
Why should an app help me through my tough time?
So he packed and went. "For couple of days," he said.
And I found myself with extra energy the day after. This is a good thing about me, in hard times, as I like to challenge myself, I really do enjoy myself. That's because I belong to myself. Or maybe it's because of the slight sun rays that I feel on my skin for past couple of days. Not sure.
And of course, I am not happy about it at all.
I thought we would travel the world together.
I thought we would adopt a child.
I thought we would kiss in every corner of the world.
And I thought I can make him happy.
Life proves you wrong sometimes though.
 |
| Photo by Maryam Khastoo |
Love,
eL.
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
2016 - Ciao!
Hello Loves,
I deeply hope that you are having the best time of the year these days. With your loved ones, happy and wild.
I'm not. 2016 was nothing but bunch of lost hours for me. I learned a lot though. I learned too many important lessons.
You will be seeing much more of me here.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I deeply hope that you are having the best time of the year these days. With your loved ones, happy and wild.
I'm not. 2016 was nothing but bunch of lost hours for me. I learned a lot though. I learned too many important lessons.
You will be seeing much more of me here.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Magic is all around us;
Today,
I allow magic in my life.
My heart is open.
And it will continue.
I allow magic in my life.
My heart is open.
And it will continue.
Love,
eL.
Thursday, July 14, 2016
RUNderful life;
I do respect runners deeply . I always have.
Actually I always wanted to be a runner myself. Back in my hometown I tried. Hijab got in the way, pollution wasn't helping either.
So I quit.
I am skinny. I never needed sport for sake of fitness. That's how the whole concept was explained to me when I was a kid. So I didn't go after it.
But I had this vision of a happier me in my mind and running was in it.
I started running a year back in Istanbul. I started on my own and I was about to pick up injury I can tell when NHS podcast was suggested to me.
Now I am running each day.
Running has become daily meditation for me. Everyday after the first 20 minutes of running I need to tell myself, "You can do this", repeatedly! Believe me I found my mantra and silence in running everyday. That's when I can turn the switch of my brain off and let it all go.
*The photo was taken today. I ran yesterday under the showering rain and still my shoes are wet.
Love,
Breathe,
eL.
Actually I always wanted to be a runner myself. Back in my hometown I tried. Hijab got in the way, pollution wasn't helping either.
So I quit.
I am skinny. I never needed sport for sake of fitness. That's how the whole concept was explained to me when I was a kid. So I didn't go after it.
But I had this vision of a happier me in my mind and running was in it.
I started running a year back in Istanbul. I started on my own and I was about to pick up injury I can tell when NHS podcast was suggested to me.
Now I am running each day.
Running has become daily meditation for me. Everyday after the first 20 minutes of running I need to tell myself, "You can do this", repeatedly! Believe me I found my mantra and silence in running everyday. That's when I can turn the switch of my brain off and let it all go.
*The photo was taken today. I ran yesterday under the showering rain and still my shoes are wet.
Love,
Breathe,
eL.
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